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It's time to play Match Game '21, hosted by Detroit sports radio legend Ron Cameron.
Tonight's panel includes:
The effusively gushing Mr. Positive, whose latest song, "Let a Smile be Your Umbrella," just reached Number 7 on the Billboard Easy Listening chart.
Cowboy from Windsor, who just landed his dream job as the "This Day in History" editor at the Windsor Star.
Curt from Fraser, who woke up this morning thinking semi-coherent thoughts about the starting lineup of the 1947 Detroit Tigers.
Gary from Tawas, who finally found a car air freshener that replicated the smell of the men's room at Olympia Stadium in 1953.
Sports talk veteran Mark Wilson, who at some point in the show will remind us all that the Detroit Pistons have not won a playoff game since 2008.
And last but not least, in her familiar spot at the far right side of the first row, the 99-year-old Betty White, who will finally confirm for Ron whether her Golden Girls co-star Bea Arthur was a man.
Tonight's contestants are:
Mark from Warren, who doesn't care if he wins or loses, as long as he gets an update on when Ron's restaurant will open.
J.J. from Lincoln Park, who still hasn't forgiven UM kicker Mike Lantry for missing those field goals against Ohio State in 1973 and 1974.
Tonight's first question:
"Tiger broadcasters Dan Dickerson and Jim Price were supposed to be describing the baseball game, but they ended up spending most of their time [blank]ing." Hint: Rhymes with "wiggle."
Last edited by Bobbert on Sat May 29, 2021 10:57 am, edited 2 times in total.
All along the icy wastes, there are faces smiling in the gloom.
Notorious for losing countless contact numbers of potential guests, these were digits Ron knew he could not lose. Not to the motel housekeeper or to anyone else. For that potential guest was none other than the then-most famous woman in the world, Jacqueline Kennedy.
The very private Mrs. Kennedy had long resisted pressure to publicly give an account of the events in Dallas. The prospect of a televised spectacular, with millions of eyeballs focused on her every agonized utterance, was too overwhelming to contemplate. But she was persuaded that a quieter, understated radio talk would be less invasive. So the idea of submitting to a radio interview in the hinterland (this was before flyover country was a term) was born. But to whom?
Following a nationwide search, Jackie's coterie of advisors settled on an intrepid young Detroit sports talk show radio host. Nicknamed "Scoop" or "R Sizzle," an Everyman of sorts, he was a middle school dropout who, when he wasn't ensconced in his elegantly appointed apartment at the Waldorf Astoria, lived in a succession of Detroit-area flophouses. And so the little-known Ron Cameron, who boasted of a majority female audience for his brokered show, was the choice for what was being billed as the "interview of the century."
Basking in congratulatory telegrams from near and far, Ron was allowing himself to dream big. He was certain this "get" would springboard him to a ticket directly into the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame. A book deal was also in reach, not to mention an increase in the demand for and price of his autograph. Even having his own can opener now seemed a possibility.
The historic moment had arrived, but first Ron had to attend to housekeeping matters, from giving out the station's phone number for the "fans," to announcing his on-air schedule and reading ad copy. Among others, Ron's list of sponsors included Larry Flynt's Gentleman's Club. He then went through a parade of future show guests like Mrs. William McKinley and Bob Delaney, a former NBA referee who had written a book about “putting away the Mob.” He also talked up his plans to open a new restaurant, either a pizza place or a deli (with the "famous Sy Ginsberg corned beef!"). Expect an announcement next week, he informed his rapt audience.
Mentioning that Jackie Kennedy was "a big fan" of his, Ron at last welcomed his guest to Sports Talk. Is it "miss or missus,” he inquired. Taken aback, Mrs. Kennedy, in her intimate, whispery voice, intoned, "This is Mrs. John F. Kennedy." In response, Ron, first informing his listeners that he had never met the slain president, shared a story about where he was on November 22, 1963. He told Mrs. Kennedy about how, as an 18-year old hanger-on, he was then following the Detroit Pistons on their out-of-town schedule and managed to meet up with then-player Ray Scott and how they together navigated that tragic time. "And," he gloated, "we've been friends ever since.” (Only years later learning, though, that Ray was married; at that point for over 50 years.) As an aside, he couldn’t resist adding that Ray Scott agrees with him that Wilt Chamberlain is "by far" the best NBA player of all time.
Turning his attention back to his guest, Ron asked Mrs. Kennedy where she was on November 22, 1963. Bewildered, Jackie paused before she finally began to address her painful memories. She first remembered the throngs of admiring supporters lining the parade route. And a sun so blinding that she had donned her oversized sunglasses until, in what would ultimately be his last request of her, the president asked that she remove them so the people of Dallas could better see her. Her voice faltered slightly when she started to recount hearing a loud shot ring out before turning and then seeing "President Kennedy clutch at his throat." Ron ("I don't mean to interrupt you") interrupted the narrative to admonish the former First Lady:
"You don't have to say 'President Kennedy.' Everyone knows it wasn't
another president. All you have to say is 'the president.'"
In the face of silence again from the slack-jawed Jackie, Ron brought up his own experience with loss, the death of a former roommate, the major league pitcher, Cory Lidle, who crashed his plane into a building Ron said was the World Trade Center. He described how devastated he was by the news, a loss from which he doesn’t think he will ever recover.
Loath to ever keep a caller on hold, Ron then took a call from Kurt from Fraser, a first-time caller, who, chuckling as he spoke, asked Mrs. Kennedy if the president had ever met the John Kennedy who played for the Washington Senators during their White House years. And, he chortled, they even had the same birthday, May 29. There was no answer.
Undeterred, Kurt expanded on this concept, exhaustively going from position to position on the baseball diamond and assigning presidential names to each. After hearing Kurt's catcher selection, Ron gleefully said to not forget the old Red Sox battery of "Ike and Nixon," pitcher Ike Delock and catcher Russ Nixon. Kurt repeated Delock's name, mispronouncing it, prompting an immediate response from Ron, who seemed to relish the opportunity to correct Kurt before abruptly ending the call, saying he was late for a break.
Ron read some more commercials, including one for a French restaurant known for its “day old scallops,” and repeating his future scheduled guests, the station phone number and his upcoming schedule.
The next caller, who very briefly weighed in, was a youngster, calling himself "Master Positive," who offered some pithy life-affirming aphorisms for both Mrs. Kennedy and the listening audience. With no other callers in the queue, not Cowboy from Windsor, not Gutterball Tony from Detroit, not JJ from Trenton, not Rob from Canton, Ron then read from his “insurance company" questions. First up was a caller he identified as "Glenn in Ypsilanti." "Ron, did you ever meet President Kennedy?" As that very question had already been addressed, Ron, almost apologetically, explained that the insurance company callers aren't allowed to call in during the show, only before, so this caller wouldn't have known that he had previously said that he didn't know the slain president.
Struggling in vain now to suppress a yawn, Ron then asked his guest what her greatest thrill was as First Lady. As Mrs. Kennedy remained silent, Ron's beleaguered young producer, who, on just the first leg on what would prove to be a distinguished, far-reaching career, jumped in, gamely trying to focus Ron on the central purpose of the interview, that is, to provide Jackie a forum to give her first-hand account of the assassination. Ron, however, wasn't brooking any interference. “This is MY show," he clapped back, "don't come in on me.” The producer, whose later best-selling autobiography would include a chapter - "The Fire of a Thousand Suns" - devoted entirely to Ron, could be heard figuratively throwing his hands up in the air in frustration as he reminded Ron of how, through sheer serendipity, this opportunity of a lifetime had landed in his lap. This, though, only served to further enrage Ron. "Get out," he thundered.
Taking just a brief moment to regain his composure, Ron then asked Mrs. Kennedy if she always wanted to be a first lady. In the face now of unmistakably dead air, Ron, nervously laughing, uneasily concluded that Jackie must have left. Pointing out that she was a smoker, he hoped that she was alright. “Folks," he sermonized, "when you smoke, you croak.” Ron lamented that he hadn't had the chance to ask his guest if, while in Dallas, she ever got to meet Lee Harvey Oswald, her husband's accused assassin.
Ron summarized the interview by noting that Jackie Kennedy, a "great woman," had done "a good job" and he was going to try to have her on again next year. For her part, Mrs. Kennedy, who never again spoke for attribution about her husband's assassination, summarily dismissed all staff responsible for scheduling this event.
Stating that there was "so much to talk about," Ron casually brushed aside any disappointment over the aborted interview. True to his word, he then spent the rest of the show glorifying the past; noting all who idolize him; hating on other broadcasters; attacking athletes who have slighted him; unceasingly defending game officials; genuflecting at the altar of those local teams whose management deign to appear on his show, while reflexively opposing the others; raising all the instances in which he was the last person to see or talk to various deceased sports figures; asking "Match Game" questions; recalling his efforts to fix Rob Parker up with RuPaul; and advancing RonAnon beliefs about Bea Arthur and Cal Ripken, Jr.
And so came to an end a very special edition of Sports Talk with Ron Cameron.
Funny parody, Momo. Ron could have asked Jackie some very awkward questions about the Detroit Lions being purchased by the Ford family on the same day that her husband was killed, like:
"What was the biggest tragedy of November 22, 1963—the assassination of your husband or the purchase of the Detroit Lions by the Ford family?"
He might also have asked if NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle's decision to let teams play the weekend after the assassination was motivated by the Kennedy's well-known love for touch football.
He could have also tried to mythologize the Kennedy years (like Theodore White with "Camelot") with "Casey at the Bat," with the hopes of millions of Kennedy voters symbolized by Casey stepping to the plate.
All along the icy wastes, there are faces smiling in the gloom.
Bobbert wrote: ↑Thu Apr 01, 2021 1:19 pm
Funny parody, Momo. Ron could have asked Jackie some very awkward questions about the Detroit Lions being purchased by the Ford family on the same day that her husband was killed, like:
"What was the biggest tragedy of November 22, 1963—the assassination of your husband or the purchase of the Detroit Lions by the Ford family?"
He might also have asked if NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle's decision to let teams play the weekend after the assassination was motivated by the Kennedy's well-known love for touch football.
He could have also tried to mythologize the Kennedy years (like Theodore White with "Camelot") with "Casey at the Bat," with the hopes of millions of Kennedy voters symbolized by Casey stepping to the plate.
Thanks. I think your proposed questions presuppose Ron would've made an exception for Jackie & actually have done some pre-show prep, instead of just relying on his standard go-to questions about the guest's greatest thrill & whether the guest always wanted to be whatever the guest turned out to be. I'm imaging a Ron who's not capable of elevating his game & being something other than an uninformed, unprepared, ungenerous, narcissistic boor.
Bobbert wrote: ↑Thu Apr 01, 2021 1:19 pm
He could have also tried to mythologize the Kennedy years (like Theodore White with "Camelot") with "Casey at the Bat," with the hopes of millions of Kennedy voters symbolized by Casey stepping to the plate.
BTW, the "Camelot" reference - rolled-out for the first time in describing that era - came from Jackie herself. She called for White a week after the assassination, & he merely reported the line in his magazine article.
Bobbers & Momo, excellent posts. keep up the great work you do here. There could be Pulitzer Awards in your futures. (Or is it Pewlitsur? I’m sure RC will advise me on that.). Or maybe a Noble Prize for Mockery. Those will come as surely as Scoop’s future Marconi & Peabody Awards.
Looks like "Scoop" Cameron and his investigative reporting from last week regarding the demise of current Detroit Tiger broadcaster Jim Price goes down the toilet (hopefully w/o any issues like the ones at the Patriot) like many of Scoop's random claims. One of his baseless claims that comes to mind is his claim that Miggy was retiring prior to the start of the 2021 season, based off of a tweet that he claims he saw from Ken Rosenthal, and then he says was quickly deleted. After Ron reported that Mr. Price had to be carried in to a recent autograph signing session in Redford and that Mr. Price looked terrible, sick, etc based off of eyewitness accounts. Jim Price has begun his 22nd season on the Tigers Radio Network as the color commentator. Will he make it to the All star break or for the full season? Inquiring minds would like to know Scoop!
Martin's idea of an April Fool's joke or is this the long-awaited announcement of Ron's next big restaurant (where he can again "meet the fans & sign autographs")?
