Leaving Walmart in a Blaze of Glory

[Turkeytop]

Would-be thief lights Bible afire in Walmart, does $300K in damage

A 27-year-old North Dakota man wearing a camouflage ski mask is accused of starting a Bible on fire inside a Walmart so that no one would notice him sneaking off with a shopping cart full of merchandise. That fire caused $300,000 in smoke damage, according to an affidavit, which reports that security video shows Andrew Ells lighting the blasphemous blaze in the super store’s garden department on Friday.


Police claim Ells confessed Monday to starting the fire using a Bible he appeared to have brought with him and a lighter that he removed from its package inside the Walmart in Bismarck.

“He said he used lighter fluid and put this on the Bible,” the affidavit reads. “He said that he laid the Bible on the floor and ignited the Bible and then exited through an emergency exit.”

Police said they found a melted bottle of lighter fluid and a partially singed Bible among the debris at the crime scene.

The suspect is expected to be charged with arson and endangering by fire of explosion. It’s unclear if Ells successfully stole merchandise, but theft is not listed on the arrest affidavit.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ ... story.html



Bismark is 1741 miles from Niceville.

[HD74]

Throw The Book at him!

[Turkeytop]

Holy smokes.

[HD74]

“Nobody’s gonna see me leaving with this shopping cart once I light this fire......”
If anyone’s looking, there’s a trailer available for rent within 1741 miles of beautiful downtown Niceville.

[Turkeytop]

This incident was the Genesis for an investigation that ended with some startling Revelations.

[audiophile]

What a dork - he took it literally!

Somebody told him the Redemption story was in the Kindle Fire Bible...

[Bryce]

According to the website The Blaze, they're going to throw the book at him.

[Calvert DeForest]

That fire caused $300,000 in smoke damage, according to an affidavit, which reports that security video shows Andrew Ells lighting the blasphemous blaze in the super store’s garden department on Friday.

I assume he will be banned from the Garden (department).

[Turkeytop]

The thick smoke caused an Exodus from the building.

[Bryce]

The thick smoke caused an Exodus from the building.

Acts like that should put him in front of the Judges.

[Turkeytop]

She needs to get a Job.

[Bryce]

She needs to get a Job.

Not hard to do with the current unemployment NUMBERS.

[Turkeytop]

Acts like that should put him in front of the Judges.

I wouldn't want to be summoned for Jury Deuteronomy.

[Bryce]

Acts like that should put him in front of the Judges.

I wouldn't want to be summoned for Jury Deuteronomy.

Is that your biggest Lamentation?

[Turkeytop]

Store security staff first became suspicious that Ells was about to pull something, when they noticed hair growing on the Psalms of his hands.